Archive for January, 2006

January 29, 2006 | Filed under: Uncategorized

Watching this doesn’t require familiarity with the backstory, but it couldn’t hurt. Click here for Part One, where you can find some history on the subject. Click here (or on the picture) for part two. 2:14 minutes, Quicktime.

The big heroes in this tale are the folks at Inko’s White Tea. For those of you watching who may be under the impression that I filmed this to snag me some free tea (which I didn’t), please click here.

“Tea for Two”
Lawrence Welk
American Favorites
Ranwood Records, 1996
Buy it!

January 27, 2006 | Filed under: Uncategorized

I was ready. I was certain I was all packed. I had taken out the trash, removed all perishable items from the fridge, and emptied both the garbage can and the cat box. I had made a last minute dash to the “Everything Cheap and Crappy Store”–which I think is actually called something like “Discount and More”–to utilize their 99 cent internet connection and 50 cent printing service to whip up my itinerary. The “Discount and More” computer center consists of two Dells and a printer sandwiched between the consistently empty hot dog rotisserie and the E-Z Wider rack. High tech, my neighborhood is, let me tell you.

I called my local car service, scooped up my bags and waited in the vestibule for my chariot. Luckily, I remember that I had forgotten my iPod charger. I say “luckily” because upon returning to my apartment I also realized that I had forgotten the cat.

At the time, it seemed like a bad omen.

I’d never flown with a pet before, and didn’t know what to expect. I bought kitty her ticket ($80! And she doesn’t even get a pack of peanuts or little headphones) and proceeded to the gate. Assuming that they didn’t expect me to load her into the x-ray machine I made a move to carry her through the metal detector. Not so! I was instructed to turn around pronto, remove the cat from the bag, and walk the cat through the detector while sending the empty pet carrier through on its own.

“…and could you please remove your laptop from its bag and place it in a separate bin, Ma’am? And your purse, too. And your scarf, please. Yes, and put the pet bag in a different bin as well. And please take out your boarding pass.”

I realize these are security-conscious times. But this is New York and I didn’t relish the idea of all my stuff plowing ahead of me in various bus-tubs waiting to be stolen while I held up the line during my “That’s just my belt.” dance under the metal detector while clutching a cat. I had even asked the nice security man if he’d help me chase the cat around Laguardia should she wriggle free. He said no.

While manoevering my belongings I was muttering about my situation and the man behind me in line was getting ready to go through the detector. Without looking up I advised him to cut ahead since I might be a spell, what with juggling a live animal and all, and in a thick gravelly NYC voice he asked what kind of animal it was, probably hoping for something exotic. Great voice. A serious brooklyn accent. Crunchy and squeaky and breathy all at once. Sort of like Colin Quinn’s. I hadn’t even left the airport (hell, I hadn’t even gotten to the gate) and his voice made me homesick. The prospect of two whole weeks away from home suddenly wasn’t as appealing as it was before. “Just a plain ol’ cat”, I explained. “Garden variety.”

Poor guy got pulled to the side at random for a full inspection while kitty and I fumbled. I fumbled with my luggage and she fumbled in hers. Once safely at the gate, I went to the newsstand to buy a book for my flight (as is my travel custom) and heard that familiar voice again. He remarked that there was little available non-fiction at the kiosk, which I had also just noticed. I have nothing against fiction, but I tend to eat my fiction in the form of movies or television. So I turned to him and mentioned that yes, there wasn’t much there that interested me and, it turns out, it actually was Colin Quinn, still possessing the same mischievous glint in his eye I remember from back in the “Remote Control” days. I asked him for some reading suggestions, steering him away from the hardcover new releases because I already had enough to carry. After perusing the shelves he settled on a choice between either A Million Little Pieces or Confessions of an Economic Hit Man because although they were both technically non-fiction they shared the reputation for potentially being fiction. Having no interest in drug-fuled mania (well, maybe a passing interest) I went with the latter.

This trip is an adventure already. And I’m still at the airport.

January 26, 2006 | Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m on vacation! Actually, I’ve been on vacation since last Thursday, but I don’t actually leave New York until today. Click this text or over there on that picture for some brief parting words. I’ll be in new Orleans until February 8th and my honey assures me that there are two wi-fi spots in town that I can use. I have my fingers crossed.

I’m a little nervous. I’m a lot nervous. I’m not quite sure why. When I find out, or when I stumble upon something interesting I’ll be sure to post it!

January 24, 2006 | Filed under: Uncategorized

Click here or on the picture to view what could be my audition tape for the the triumphant return of WPIX’s Dance Fever. ‘Motion’ needs me…maybe.*

This year after the holidays I did some sale surfing at Target. Doesn’t everybody? When I go to Target it’s an event. No aisle is left unexamined and I do not leave empty-handed. I have a love-hate relationship with superstores: I hate them because I think they are edging out the local Mom & Pops, they’re eyesores, and they are part of what’s turning my city into Everytown, USA. But, since I grew up without them (or malls, or Red Lobsters, Or Shoney’s, or Denny’s, or Friendly’s) I find them wildly exotic. Some people come to New York to shop at Bloomingdale’s, I can be seen running in the opposite direction in search of a Target.

Anyway, a few blocks from the Target is yet another rare treat: White Castle. With apologies to vegetarians everywhere, I have to say that I can’t get enough of that mini-burger stuff. I eat them so infrequently (for obvious reasons) that when I finally do get my hands on one (or six) I find myself overcome with a joy that can best be expressed through the power of The Dance. Doesn’t everybody? FYI: if you eat six cheeseburgers while dancing in your living room, you may later experience a severe form of gastric distress. Please don’t try this at home.

“Move!”
Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley
Welcome to Jamrock
Tuff Gong Records, 2005
Buy it and Move!

*UPDATE: When I wrote this, I was unaware that there actually is a new Dance Fever! Searching for information on ‘Motion’, the sexy, leotard-clad back-up dancers from the original led me to the shocking news that not only is there a new show, but it sports no ‘Motion’ and it is not hosted by Deney Terrio (who may or may not have killed his career by suing Merv Griffin for sexual harassment)but instead by Eric Neis! I’m speechless.

January 23, 2006 | Filed under: Uncategorized

As it turns out, I’m lousy with CSS. Change colors? Sure, okay. Rearrange sidebar? Ummm…sure. Buttons? Piece of cake. Add a second sidebar? After several hours, not so much, no. Find a background that I like? Nowhere in the entire internet universe. Locate the free three-column template of my dreams? Not in this lifetime. Why do so many templates involve unicorns, pinstripes, skylines or sailor-suited anime vixens with their big eyes and even bigger boobs?

When in doubt, pay someone else to do it for you.