March 10, 2006 | Filed under: hello, nurse!
This is a long one. About 6 minutes–three minutes over my self-enforced limit. Sometimes limits were set to be broken. Click the pic to see the state I was in when I came home from work this morning. I was unsure of whether to post it, so I hurried up and did it anyway lest I change my mind. No titles. No editing…hence the length.
I only hit around 40% of the points I wanted to make, but that’s what happens when there’s no script. There’s a fair amount of rambling here, and I just kind of plotzed. Inspired by Monika, I meant for this to be a post about why I became a nurse and why I enjoy it so much and instead the post turned out to be something else altogether.
A detailed work-related text post will follow offering clarifications, definitions and more fleshed out ideas…maybe tomorrow. I’m really very drained.
March 10, 2006
@ 11:16 am
Your health is number one. “You can’t make yourself sick just to make someone healthier.” I’m paraphrasing Wayne Dyer. I ‘m visualizing a snow sled with all the dogs headed by the sled driver. I’m like one of the dogs and we all have to work as a pack. We all have a general idea or intent of where to go but what coalesces in the end is how we work together with the sled driver.
At work there’s this alcoholic who is malicious and rude. I stopped pouring water into that empty husk. It’s a constant battle whenever I have to work with this guy. He’s well connected so when he screws up, his ass is covered.
Mentally I can’t get EEO or anyone else to whittle the guy down.
I’ve tried visualizing him not as a foe but someone neutral, but the guy begs for attention. So it’s a constant battle. I know though that it will come to pass, that my job is a good one , and I don’t always have to the one to catch the shit when it hits the fan. I don’t always have to the one in front of the fan all the time. I weigh the two, let this asshole bring me down or continue my passion for helping people with a great job.
Whenever this guy works- I just try to cover my ass. I’m going generic, not going gourmet. You can’t spread yourself too thin. You must cover your ass. I’m going to let this guy prove himself with his own actions.
March 10, 2006
@ 11:22 am
Oh my. I was very moved by your passionate dialogue. I feel for you. I want to wave my magic wand over you and make it better. You are obviously the type of health care worker that we need in this world. It angers me that in this country of so much wealth that a hospital neo-natal nurse with love and compassion does not have the tools necessary to possibly save a life. Have you considered going public with that? Maybe an anonymous call to a newspaper? Damn it!
March 10, 2006
@ 11:51 am
I loved this. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals, either me or someone I love. I have seen the different sides of nursing like you were talking about. When my mom was in the ICU, I remember clearing off a small rolling table and pushing it into the corner and climbing on top and just sitting there. I knew my family would stress my mom out even though she was drugged and on life support. Not many people noticed me in my little corner, but one of the ICU nurses did. She started calling me Kitty Cat because I have this weird ability to crawl into strange places and not be noticed. This nurse let me stay after visiting hours and even offered for me to stay the night. For a week she watched me work from 9-630 and then come straight to the hospital to be with my mom. She was so nice and comforting. But once we got moved to a normal room, the nurses were very moody and didn’t like me being there at all.
I think what you do is amazing and you should be praised for it. People can be horrible and petty, and I will be praying for you to find a way to rise above.
Hope today is oodles better
Alysa
March 10, 2006
@ 12:10 pm
exhaustion as a conduit to bravery and beauty, miss b…
maybe it helps not at all, but, when we had the baby, we thought the nurses in labor and delivery were life savers. we didn’t just think that, actually.
March 10, 2006
@ 12:47 pm
A big hug from me. I’ve been untrained in middle management, in charge of a bunch of nurses and I know what a thankless job yours can be. Nurses are, for the most part, the most caring, most underappreciated people around. Thanks from me for the work that you do.
March 10, 2006
@ 4:31 pm
Hugs, hugs, hugs to you! You’re scaring me. I dunno. I have a high tolerance for administrative bullshit but I don’t have a high tolerance for not enough supplies.
I’m already pretty well prepared for the Crazy Cohort phenomenon having working in mental health and juvenile justice for more than 9 years:)
Enough about me — I want to know that you’re taking care of yourself and getting your butt out of there. You can blow the whistle but sometimes you can’t stop the ship from sinking. That’s what Joint Committee is for.
And please don’t tell me you’re working at a magnet hospital. Then, I’ll really be scared.
March 10, 2006
@ 7:23 pm
You’ve captured what video blogging is all about. Showing the good as well as the bad. Entertaining people as well as making them think. Hats off to you Miss B.
Evan (http://e-vlog.blogspot.com)
March 10, 2006
@ 8:15 pm
Wow, missb great post. I have no idea what it’s like to be a nurse, but I really feel for you. I hope that things get better, or you find another better hospital to work at. Isn’t there still a nurse shortage out there? Seems like you should have your pick of places to work, especially since you obviosly are passionate about your work.
Hang in there!
March 10, 2006
@ 8:34 pm
Oh my God!! What a poignant post that said so much.. I have worked as a charge nurse in charge of many nurses who have much more experience than I do.. You can never make them happy but do they step up??? Hell no… I know you are going to hear several people tell you to change jobs and I’m sure that you have thought about it. I have a feeling that you are very much like me and have a huge sense on loyalty to your place of work. It’s very hard to change locations. It’s the old saying “the devil you know vs the devil you don’t”.. I’m glad you posted about the bad side of nursing but still tell others to do it. I feel the same way…Take care of yourself. No one else will do it for you… BIG HUGS!!
March 10, 2006
@ 10:18 pm
Very moving and well done, considering your mindset…….I was in the first Gulf War, 22 yrs old (God it seems like a lifetime ago), I was in charge of a 3 man crew, telephone switchboard operator, we were always training before the actual ground war started…..One of the guys on my crew, Krebs, we were talking one night in the van, his wife had just had a little girl, he had never even held his daughter yet……so we were talking and I remember this was just before the ground war started and we were hearing a lot of stuff about chemical warfare and the possiblity of nukes and Krebs looked at me and started to tear up…..he had just finihsed a letter from his wife and she had put a picture of his little baby girl in the letter and Krebs looked at me and said he was afraid he was going to die, never getting the chance to hold his little girl…….I remember looking him in the eye and telling him we would make it back, he would make it back. (He did) I tell you this story because it was at that moment that I learned that “how” important life is and how every little action on my part could mean life or death not only for my friends but some guy on the front line who depended on his land line to work (phone) Everyday soldiers, policemen (and woman), firefighters, doctor’s and nurse’s have to make decisons under emense stress that literay could affect wheather someone dies or not…….after listining to your post, if I’m ever in a hospital again, I hope the nurse has half the commintment and passion you do………it hurts becasue you do care, and as painful as that may get sometimes I hope you never stop caring, we have never met but with this one post I KNOW you are a person of character, the world needs more people like you……take care and I hope your tomorrow is better than today…..
March 11, 2006
@ 2:38 am
I just saw this post and “wow”! I am impressed by your bravery to show this side of yourself. If I am ever in the hospital again, I will be extra sure to thank my nurse for helping me, knowing now what she or he goes through.
Yes, nursing is one of the most thankless jobs in the world. I was once a secondary school teacher (yeah, hard to believe since I look like a sixteen year old). But yeah, I’ve been talked down to by parents, staff members, and even by the principal in front of others. It was so shameful and I was in a rural school where most of the kids were in bad situations. I had to deal with fights in class on a constant basis (I was almost beaten up once), students on drugs, having them call me b—h in front of everyone and not being able to do anything.
I went away and never looked back. I love my job too, and now “teach” workshops with adults. Some of them can be real childlike, but at least I don’t have to call their parents.
I admire your dedication and passion. I know how shameful it is to be talked down to. Don’t let them get to you, especially if you know you’re right. As we say in Hawaii, a familiar Japanese phrase passed down by our elders, “Ganbatte kudasai” - live strong and keep going.
With much alohas and hugs,
Becca
P.S. Thank you for your fish comment. I’m sure Flippy would have loved it
March 11, 2006
@ 5:44 pm
Thankyou. Thankyou for holding my hand before I went under, and then being there with my sister when I came to. Thankyou for the levity and teasing my dad about his devotion to GW after he had his heart opened up, and then crying with me and my family when it stopped beating later on. Thankyou for the strength you all offer when we are feeling at our most vulnerable. Thankyou for sharing.
Ben
March 12, 2006
@ 10:27 pm
Miss….
I’m speechless. What can “I” say after wathcing this extemelly personal side of you???
Not much. I don’t work in a hospital. My job doesn’t handle “lives” of people. If I do somethign wrong at my job, no one will die…
I respect extremelly much people as yourself which one simple mistake can have serious consequences in someone’s life.
I hope better days come ahead. Thank you for sharing such a personal video with us…
Juan
March 13, 2006
@ 11:43 pm
I don’t think I could do a video like this. You are bravery itself! I have many nurse friends, and see the hospital life twice a week. I am only a medical technician in a cardio lab, a very different world…
I hope things smooth themselves out asap..Hey, a nice vaction to somewhere in Asia might help bring back some of the ummph! The cherry blossoms are soon to be in bloom!
March 14, 2006
@ 6:40 pm
What is this crap with not enough supplies?
Is that a NY thing or what? I’ve had to order things before, but we can always get them.
March 15, 2006
@ 10:58 am
A very powerful post. I can’t wait to see your other videos and blogs.
I am in my last year in school. I will be graduating with my Bachelor’s degree in nursing in December. However, I start my first nursing job in three months.
I am scared, exited, and happy.
But half of me wants to just run away and work at McDonalds. The problem is that I am not immune to the realities of nursing. In class, they paint a beautiful picture of what your job will look like. You watch videos of a nurse spending an hour slowly, carefully changing a dressing. You are told that one of your greatest skills is to just sit with a patient for hours and tend to their psychosocial needs….blah blah blah
They forget we do clinicals. We see reallity.
I haven’t even begun my work as a nurse, and I have been yelled at, belitted, and treated like a piece of trash. By doctors, nurses, patients, and even cleaning staff.
I am facing the challenge of being the least knowledgable, most untrained person on the unit. Knowing how territorial nurses can be, I am petrified.
Your post scared me because you are in that emotional place that I fear I will be in in three months.
But, like a good nurse, I will take the hit, feel the pain, cry, and then move forward…
Sean
March 15, 2006
@ 1:03 pm
God, you are such a geek.
Love,
Joe
March 16, 2006
@ 4:39 am
Wow! Thanks for the post - I could have never opened up like that.
I’ve spent more than my fair share of time in hospitals. Not as a patient ever (thank goodness), but with family. You just take for granted that everyone’s there with what they need to do the job. It’s scary to hear that there are so many underlying issues like lack of supplies, politics, etc. Just like a lot of other jobs, except this one has lives on the line.
If I ever end up having to go to the hospital myself, I’m going to put in a request to have you flown down to be on my medical team
Miss B - nurse for hire!
March 16, 2006
@ 12:10 pm
missB - This post is exactly why I believe you are amazing.
Well, there are so many reasons why you are, but to open up like this is excellent for people who need to know that there are others around that feel the same way.
Kudos to you.
Infinitely.
I’m glad that there are nurses like you who feel.
J
March 16, 2006
@ 5:51 pm
Hello My Friend, MissB;
I always seem to have troube viewing your clips; I will get it to work properly one of these days! I just wanted you to know that I am not ignoring you and your site is one of my favourites, because you are so hilarious and darling…really, it’s true, my friend. Take care.
March 19, 2006
@ 10:48 am
I’m at a loss for words; that was a very touching video. I have spent way to much time as a patient in hospitals so I’ve met a lot of nurses and know how important they are. It’s not that easy to just tell you that you deserve a better job. Of course you do. But I think the patients deserve you too. There are a lot of great nurses and doctors out there and also a lot of bad ones. We would all understand if you decided to toss in your nurse scrubs but I just wanted to let you know that good nurses do make a difference and are appreciated more than you think. I wish you the best in whichever path you choose.
March 24, 2006
@ 11:21 am
What a brave and strong post–I appreciate your sharing and for discovering your vlog. Keep persevering–it seems like you have an army of support behind you. You go, girl.
March 24, 2006
@ 5:46 pm
OH MissB;
I wish you were right here in my house so I could give you a huge hug. You are exactly what this world needs; a compassionate hard working woman with passion. So brave and such strength to show your core, when we always make assumptions that being open and crying is weakness; it is anything but.
I hope when you move that your job will be better.
I feel so badly about the conditions you work under without needed supplies; what can be done about this?
April 3, 2006
@ 8:27 pm
Ugh..I’m sorry. I am sorry a thousand times over for every crappy situation you’ve been in where you work…
But for every crappy situation, you have twice been someone’s hero. Of that I am sure…I just watched your Tick Vs. Tick post above and YOU, my dear deserve to be sitting in that superhero club. You! Cape and all!
I couldn’t do it. Nursing that is..I love EMS. EMS is my true, heart of hearts love career wise. And God love ya for being able to catheterize someone. That right there put the kabosh on me continuing on past the emergency stuff into nursing. So just for that aspect of the job, I think you deserve some really kick ass cool Manolo Blahniks to go with your cape.
~L.
May 24, 2006
@ 1:10 pm
Wow, that is amazing and inspiring: How open and honest you are in this video.
May 24, 2006
@ 1:59 pm
I feel similarly about my current job but it’s obviously not as difficult as your own. My only woes are that I’m treated like a kid when I should be treated like the smart educated woman that I am. It’s so frustrating to constantly be spoken down to… I can’t take it much longer, my fuse is growing shorter by the day.
May 24, 2006
@ 2:33 pm
wow. this made me cry. you’re an awesome person.
May 25, 2006
@ 6:50 am
I have a friend who is a nurse at our local hospital. She is 24 and she IS the charge nurse. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen her cry talking about work. I don’t understand how they could DO that to her? I mean, she’s an amazing nurse but she’s so young…
I never understood how badly nurses can be treated (I always thought it was just the hours that sucked).
Thank you for sharing, and I’m glad that you enjoy your work.
February 10, 2007
@ 4:14 pm
the weirdest thing about feedburner burping things back up, is that they are some of the most powerful posts…so strange. i’m watching this a year later in fireant. thanks for this.
December 10, 2007
@ 10:01 pm
I rediscovered this post thanks to a twitter …
wow. I don’t know much about the reality of being a nurse, but I can see how much it means to you and totally understand the distinction of ‘work’ vs. ‘job’. You’re just the sort of person such important work needs … I hope your job has since made it easier to do.
Interestingly I found this post only today just after having a bit of a moment at work myself (one of those ‘did I just act like a highschooler or was it someone else?’ moments) - so I also totally identify with the that half “I wish it had gone like this…” and half “she started it” thing. =D.
Here’s to ‘ya MissB - mental good vibes heading your way.
- Dave
December 23, 2007
@ 6:13 pm
My mom and I are siting together watching your older videos, and after watching this one, she says:
Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up nursing! If I ever have to go to the hospital, and I hope I never do, I hope you or someone like you is there looking after me, because it’s obvious that you love what you do. You’re the only kind of nurse that ought to be in a hospital caring for patients. Your spirit is so needed in medicine.
OK, me again: My mom studied nursing, and worked in two hospitals, and quit after the first year, having met my dad and gotten married. (I came years later, I swear!) They couldn’t afford for her to go to nursing school so she didn’t, and has kicked herself ever since. She did work in hospital administration, and enjoyed it, but would have liked being a nurse better.
We send hugs.
November 30, 2008
@ 10:57 pm
[…] video I mention from MissB can be found here. If you have not seen it, watch it….it’s well worth […]
December 7, 2008
@ 2:54 pm
[…] video I mention from MissB can be found here. If you have not seen it, watch it….it’s well worth […]
October 4, 2009
@ 3:39 pm
[…] video I mention from MissB can be found here. If you have not seen it, watch it….it’s well worth […]
October 21, 2009
@ 9:25 pm
Wow… After our conversation the other day, the mantra that was running in my head is running faster… and louder:
Quality of life… quality of life… quality of life… quality of life… quality of life… quality of life…
But then, quality of who’s life? You are giving so much by being where you are, where your dedication means so so much more in the environment you are in… It is a huge responsibility, beyond the daily stresses. Less of you AND no supplies? But then I think from a selfish place… as your sister, take the hit, and come upstate. There is a hospital up here that will have yes, it’s faults, and may feel sleepy comparatively, but… I hate to see you cry.
Made me cry.